Hello all friends, family, and on lookers.... I have been working on a book/ novel/ story thing and I have finally come to the point that I want others to read it and tell me their thoughts.  Like any sane person of course I would love nice words and love about my story, but I would appreciate criticism and any thoughts you may have!!!! Thank you.... Hope you enjoy... PEACE OUT

Chapter One

Flickering Light

            Marie sat holding the steering wheel.  How long she had been gripping it she had no way of telling.  It had to have been long because the sun was down and the sounds of crickets had started their loud humming.  Her hands hurt from being tied into tension around the ancient 1967 Volkswagen.  One of her head lights had died weeks earlier.  All this drama had started with that light burning out.  It truly had nothing to do with it, but that had been the pivotal moment when she realized she would have to choose. 

Three weeks had passed since the lights going out and yet she was still at a standstill.  Looking back on this moment she should have read the signs in those exact words she herself spoke, “When the lights had gone out.”  Three weeks earlier she flew home from visiting with a man that truly loved her.  Rick was a romantic and treated her like a princess.  His family was good and Rick was handsome.  This list could go on and on in her head. It actually had been replaying over and over for the past three weeks, and probably even longer. Was she convincing herself?

 Marie had reached down into her own worn down purse after getting into her Volkswagen that had been her constant companion for five years.  That night had not been an exception.   Instead of finding a wallet her hand first fell upon a manila envelope address to her.  She had not recognized the writing right off but slowly tarring at the tab she first saw three rose pedals, red ones. They lightly fell on to her lap and she remembered a feeling of gliding in the air, falling slowly down to a light landing. She often had these feelings, like she was flying.  Many times it was when she lay looking at the sky or when she was sleeping.  Truly flying though, any motion at all, other than walking had always made her extremely sick.  Sometimes even driving across town in the back seat of a car could cause her to be in bed for a day.  Why she felt a connection with flying she could not relate to any certain memory.  No matter not discovering the source she still was left connected to it somehow.

The velvet rose pedals were still soft and far from wilting.  There scent was strong and this had caused a small curve at the top of her lips that had slowly turned into a smile.  What a sweat detail to have noticed and placed in her purse.  He had known that her favorite flowers were roses.  Just a few days earlier Marie had insisted staying home and helping Rick’s father weed and plant new bulbs he just purchased.  It was one of Marie’s favorite things to do.  When she was in a garden she was at peace with the world.  Somehow tarring at the encroaching weeds on the beauty around them seemed to set things right.  When nothing else made since, this did.   Rick had wanted to take her to see the sights of the dry heat, but to him it was his home, beautiful South Utah.  Her strong will stood its ground when it came to things that she decided on.  There was no changing her mind. 

Now though, why couldn’t she just make a decision and then stick with it in the stubborn way she often did.  Her hands were showing the effect of her unmade decision as she still sat in the dark, hands back on the steering wheel.  Her mind floated back as she remembered their discussion.  They had talked of marriage it was true, but she had not realized anything had been decided.  He often said that he loved her and she did adore the way that he always took her face in his hands after saying those words and softly kissed her.  Sometimes he first kissed her on her upper cheek bone and worked his way down to her lips.  She loved kissing Rick.  It was freedom, no thinking, only following the motions that came.  This is what she was best at, following any lead that came her way.  It must have been why they were working as a couple.  In all of her past relationships she had been swept off her feet.  She was easy to fall into love; but was also easy falling out. It must have been a part of being young and naïve.  Was this the same?  Why must it always come to decisions?  Why couldn’t life just lead her to a happy ending? Was this the ticket life was trying to hand her?

She took one hand off of the steering wheel and rested them on the envelope she still carried.  Behind the three dried rose pedals was his letter.  Within the letter was the returning plane ticket back to Southern Utah.    Only a one way ticket lay in the folds of the letter.  This was much more permanent. Permanent tore at her, her heart was not a house wife.  No she had always bounced from one discovery to the next.  She wanted someone to stand at her shoulder and whisper the right answer.  A perfect being that knew which outcome would cause her happiness.   His family and others at church had told her that this is what was next in her life at the age of twenty one.  He wanted to marry her for all eternity, in his heart Rick thought she had already said yes.  Could she break his heart now?  Maybe marrying Rick was the right thing, which is what they all said.  She could grow to love him. 

Is that what marriage was, growing to love your partner?  Her mother and father probably started out with that idea.  She could never remember when they were together.  Divorcing when Marie was only two years old left her full of questions that she never admitted to herself she had.   They must have just given up in the trying process.  Many others had made it.  It was possible that they had started out with the same feelings she was tossing back and forth in her own heart. 

For the first time tonight Marie parted her lips and whispered, “Good bye Ms. Josen.  Hello, Mrs. Porter.”  It was not a light of peace that sprang through her with the movement of her own words.  It was a calm assurance that life would never change to the point of incomprehension.  The sparks of light that she had grown to love as a child flickered all around her.  Her lightning bugs of the south where giving her the light her own soul was not.   Their light made up for her light that had gone out three weeks ago.