Tuesday, July 19, 2011

I’m Committed



I was inspired to learn of an amazing thing I am learning now in my life.  Things have been busy and I feel like there are hundreds of things going on around me.  From every direction there is another adventure that I want to be part of.  It has been so hard to choose, so I have taken part of all, and my emotions and body is tired.  More than that, my school work is lacking.  My grades are not necessarily showing this, but each time I sit to study for a test or to complete an assignment I find that I wish I knew more of the information.  I feel like I know just enough to get by.  What I am cramming for is not going to stick with me for life, and isn’t that why I am in college, to learn and enjoy what I am learning?
            The first presidency’s talk, I’m committed, in this month’s Ensign really hit home.  This past weekend I took a road trip up to Rexburg Idaho with some friends.  We had a blast riding horses, playing games, having a barbeque, and bridge jumping.  I need to explain something about bridge jumping.  I went to BYU Idaho for my first two years of college before transferring to BYU Hawaii and then here, to BYU.  At BYU Idaho bridge jumping is the fun thing to do.  Everyone talks about it and many trips are made out to Snake River to feel the thrill of the jump.  During those to two years I avoided bridge jumping like the plague. Jumping from those heights and hitting freezing water did not sound appealing.
            As we were heading home from the barbeque my friends stopped the car next to a bridge.  When I inquired as to why I was informed that we were going bridge jumping.  I used my camera as my shield and excuse to not jump.  Soon my friends convinced me to put my camera down and at least climb up on top of the cement wall that everyone jumps into the water from.  I allowed this saying that I would just take look from that view, but most likely would still not jump.  Because of the height I held onto my friend’s hand.  He began to count down to jump.  I quickly stopped him and made it known that I felt like backing out and climbing back down. He looked at me and then jumped, with our hands still clasped I followed suit screaming the entire way down.  When I hit the water I felt the rush that had just occurred.  And in those few seconds I realized how amazing it had felt. I got up and did it again.  This time fully committed.
            In the Ensign talk a very similar story is told.  Two younger boys were cliff jumping and one boy was about to back out when the other went, causing him to follow.  This story was related to the decision to be committed or not. “Commitment is a little like diving into the water. Either you are committed or you are not.  Either you are moving forward or you are standing still.  There’s no halfway.  We all face moments of decision that change the rest of our lives.  As members of the Church, we must ask ourselves, “Will I dive in or just stand at the edge? Will I step forward or merely test the temperature of the water with my toes?”  I have been testing the water with my toes with all that am trying right now in life.  I need to choose and dive into a couple of these activities that will change and help me become the daughter that God knows I can become. 
            The history of the church is full of men that made a decision and then dove in full heartedly.   An amazing example of incredible men that dove in were the men that volunteered for Zion’s Camp, and then was strong through their trials.  When the men first took off on their one-thousand-mile march, only twenty people were ready to go. By Sunday over eighty volunteers assembled in Kirtland. Nearly all of them were young men. Some were fearful of what lay ahead. Heber C. Kimball said, “I took leave of my wife and children and friends, not knowing whether I would see them again in the flesh.”  That day the Prophet spoke to the Kirtland Saints before departing. George A. Smith wrote: “He impressed upon them the necessity of being humble, exercising faith and patience and living in obedience to the commands of the Almighty. … He bore testimony of the truth of the work which God had revealed through him and promised the brethren that if they all would live as they should, before the Lord, keeping his commandments, they should all safely return.” 
            They never had it easy.  Food alone was a trial. The men were often required to eat limited portions of coarse bread, rancid butter, raw pork, rotten ham, and maggot-infested bacon and cheese. George A. Smith wrote that he was frequently hungry: “I was so weary, hungry and sleepy that I dreamed while walking along the road of seeing a beautiful stream of water by a pleasant shade and a nice loaf of bread and a bottle of milk laid out on a cloth by the side of the spring.” On occasion the men strained swamp water to remove mosquito larvae, before drinking it. 
            Some of the men murmured, but the ones that stayed strong in faith and attitude learned from their experience. Zion’s Camp chastened, polished, and spiritually refined many of the Lord’s servants. The observant and dedicated received invaluable practical training and spiritual experience that served them well in later struggles for the Church. The hardships and challenges experienced over its thousand miles provided invaluable training for Brigham Young, Heber C. Kimball, and others. When a skeptic asked what he had gained from his journey, Brigham Young promptly replied, “I would not exchange the knowledge I have received this season for the whole of Geauga County.” 


                Learning of these men that dove in and were strong I see that the Lord chose from them who He would call to be the twelve that would help the prophet guide the Church.  My goal is not to guide the church or become known for my accomplishments.  My goal is to make it back to my Heavenly Father being the woman that He knows I can become.  I will not become her by staying the way I have been.  I need to choose and put effort into the things that I choose to spend my time doing. I need to make those decisions that will change the rest of my life.  Right now I am in school and I am finding that I love what I am studying.  It is hard and it is a struggle everyday to get it all done, but I love it and I need to dive into it; giving it all that I have. I want to dive into what is truly important.                                                                                                                    I am committed!    

Sunday, June 5, 2011

              DANCE          
                                                 

Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance

Why do we stress and put the things that we want to do and feel on a shelf and wait for another time?  I have always thought that I was not part of this horrible tragedy, but lately I am learning more about myself.  When a heart gets broken the consequence is often to lock up and not let knew people in.  I am guilty of closing myself off as of late, and although I do not want to, I have needed time to ponder my feelings about people in my life and then letting them go. And then sadly, but true, preferably not think at all. I have been a quiet me, and for the first time in a long time I have stepped back from the social scene and have thought of what I truly wanted in life. I am sorry to those that I have not talked to in a while or called.  Exciting things to share lately are not on the tip of my tongue. This time has helped me realize that I am far from a perfect answer, but I do know that I want a simple peace in my heart.  I want to do my best in classes, but I do not want to stress if I do not get an "A". I want to make everyone around my comfortable and feel like they are loved, but if someone does not want to invite me to things or think that my company is not of importantance I do not want to feel hurt and left out.  I want to find peace!!! I want to have hope. I want a miracle in my own heart.  I want to become a great listener.  I want to learn from others.  I want to open up.  I want to learn how to communicate. I want to dance again!!! I want the knowledge and experience to know what this 83 year old women has.  I want to be like her.....
    Amber


This was written by an 83-year-old woman to her friend.

I'm reading more and dusting less. I'm sitting in the yard and admiring the view without fussing about the weeds in the  
garden. I'm spending more time with my family and friends and less time working.
Whenever possible, life should be a pattern of experiences to savor, not to endure. I'm trying to recognize these moments now and cherish them.
I'm not "saving" anything; we use our good china and crystal for every special event such as losing a pound, getting the sink unstopped, or the first Amaryllis blossom.
I wear my good blazer to the market. My theory is if I look prosperous, I can shell out $28.49 for one small bag of groceries. I'm not saving my good perfume for special parties, but wearing it for clerks in the hardware store and tellers at the bank.
"Someday" and "one of these days" are losing their grip on my vocabulary. If it's worth seeing or hearing or doing, I want to see and hear and do it now
I'm not sure what others would've done had they known they wouldn't be here for the tomorrow that we all take for granted. I think they would have called family members and a few close friends. They might have called a few former friends to apologize and mend fences for past squabbles. I like to think they would have gone out for a Chinese dinner or for whatever their favorite food was.
I'm guessing; I'll never know.
It's those little things left undone that would make me angry if I knew my hours were limited. Angry because I hadn't written certain letters that I intended to write one of these days. Angry and sorry that I didn't tell my husband and parents often enough how much I truly love them. I'm trying very hard not to put off, hold back, or save anything that would add laughter and luster to our lives. And every morning when I open my eyes, tell myself that it is special.
Every day, every minute, every breath truly is a gift from God.



Tuesday, May 31, 2011


"PEACE IS NOT SOMETHING YOU WISH FOR: IT;S SOMETHING YOU MAKE, SOMETHING YOU DO, SOMETHING YOU ARE, AND SOMETHING YOU GIVE AWAY."



The Temple grounds are
always an amazing sight!!! On Saturday May 14th 2011 Ashley Rackham, Jess Rigby and I went to Salt Lake to pick up our friend Cait from the airport.  As we waited we had 
the pleasure of exploring the Salt Lake Temple Grounds.  It began 
to Rain and the cool air and fresh smells could not have been more peaceful !!! The mixture created the perfect atmosphere for a photo shoot, but then again this is me we are talking about so almost all occasions can become a photo shoot!!! There are just tooooo many beauties in the world to let a photo moment pass me by!!!!!

Friday, May 27, 2011

1o1 Happy things!!!

1.       My friends that are basically family                            
2.       Eating Sushi
3.       Taking a Bath and eating Ice-cream

4.       Hiking
5.       Having someone read to me
6.       Smelling coffee
7.       My Mom
8.       Listening to KLove
9.       Being asked on a date
10.   Camping
11.   The smell of Cinnamon
12.   Flying on a plane
13.   Listening to Crickets
14.   Sitting with my feet in cool water
15.   Singing to music
16.   Pretty Smiles
17.   Listening to someone playing and singing to the guitar
18.   Playing hand and foot (card games)
19.   Taking photos
20.   Shopping at Trader Joes
21.   Packing for backpacking trips
22.   Going to the movie theater
23.   Sitting in a Sauna
24.   Drinking sun tea
25.   Chacos and chaco tans
26.   Being lost in the world of a novel
27.   Getting a massage
28.   Eating Taiwan Bing
29.   Snuggling in bed
30.   Being with the Zalaks
31.   Finding a correlation with numbers on a clock
32.   Writing
33.   Having my back scratched
34.   Feeling the heat of the sun and a cool breeze
35.   Cuddling
36.   Losing weight
37.   Feeling the Spirit
38.   Holding a baby
39.   Drinking a flavor similar to coffee
40.   dreams in which I am flying
41.   Eating on the Arcata Plaza
42.   Dyeing Easter eggs
43.   Watching a dance performance
44.   Juicing
45.   Going out to eat
46.   Riding a roller coaster
47.   Going on a road trip
48.   Not feeling alone
49.   Seeing Hippie vans
50.   Jumping on a trampoline
51.   Speaking Chinese with confidence
52.   Having a crush
53.   Riding a horse
54.   Swinging on a swing set
55.   Feeling like I can run and run
56.   Getting a new patch for my travel bag
57.   Listening to a foreigner speak in an accent
58.   Putting chap stick on
59.   Reading my horoscope
60.   Curling my hair
61.   Feeling refreshed after taking a test
62.   Riding my bike down a hill with my feet dangling
63.   Seeing a manly man
64.   Buttery popcorn and hummus (not together :D ) 
65.   Wearing my rings
66.   Covering my feet in the sand
67.   Slow dancing without words
68.   Fog
69.   Creating art
70.   Acacia smoothie bowl
71.   Watching a good chick flick
72.   Hammocks
73.   Handstands
74.   Cowboy Boots
75.   Skirts
76.   Tie Dye
77.   Earrings
78.   Feeling Pretty
79.   Receiving Compliments
80.   Traveling
81.   Lavender
82.   Cute Braziers and scarves
83.   Waterfalls and Redwood tree forests
84.   Blueberries
85.   Cranberry Juice
86.   Dharma and Greg
87.   Orange
88.   The feeling after shaving my legs
89.   Twinkling Eyes 91.   Making movies
92.   XOXOXOs
93.   Pillows
94.   Thunder storms
95.   Going on Walks
96.   Receiving Mail
97.   Old falling down barns
98.   Wrest watches

99.   Watching meteor showers                                                       
100. Cheese
101. Driving with my windows down and the music blasting 

                                                        By: Amber Rose
P.S. making this list made me super happy so I suggest you make one too!!!!! I would love to read yours because I am sure it would make you and me happy!!!

Monday, May 16, 2011

Feel a breeze and take it!!!

                                                              
“Falling and Flying”

I am free to jump, free to fall, free to let it roll away when I jump  the ball.
I am not ashamed to break down and cry, so come on precaution take a step aside, cause you see its the falling that is teaching me to fly. 
There is a breeze that is blowing past my door and it is bringing change like I have never known before.  It used to be that when it rained it poured, but not anymore.. so give me more…
Because I am FREE…the falling is teaching me to be a little bolder, to say hello and goodbye….and keep going until it is going, going gone! I am going to turn my cheek and shrug my shoulder.  You see it is the Falling that is teaching me to FLY!!!
   I feel like I am falling, but I am learning that is OK.... because it is giving me the chance to try and FLY!!!




“It mattereth not”….. 
What an amazing quote that I want to adopt. I heard it one Sunday (5-15-11) in a talk during Sacrament meeting and I have been pondering on it. Where my thoughts have taken me….  So much happens around us that we have absolutely NO control over.  I have felt my heart drop.  I get either frustrated or sad and loose all energy and hope, but Why?  Of course it is hard when what I may have imagined didn’t happen, but God has a plan and something will work out.  Not only that, but time heals all wounds.  In the past month I have felt my heart break.  I lost a friend, but it was his choice and in time God will bring amazing new friends into my life.  That thought alone can be terrifying.  When you are hurt and your energy is gone the thought of trying to make new friends sounds too hard.  But time heals and I will move on quicker, find a happier heart if I quickly say “It mattereth not”…….”It mattereth not that I have not yet met the man of my dreams, I cannot afford a home of my own yet, She thinks I am not fun, I do not know what my future has in store..etc… for that was their choice or there is nothing that we can do.  It is always times like this that makes us find all the other blessings around us.  I had to turn to my other friends around me to escape my loneliness and I found angels that God had placed into my life.  I am so grateful for my angels!!!
No Hands.............
My awesome roommates rented tandem bikes for a fun time on Saturday, but because we live in the amazing state of Utah and everything is closed on Sunday we got to keep them until Monday!  All Sunday Morning I kept walking past them wanting so badly to try them.  Of course as I had this thought I imagined myself being able to succeed at this easy relaxing sport.  I quickly learned that that was not going to be the case. Starting off was the most "terrifying" part..haha... would have been a great date.... you have to work perfectly together!!! Parker had confidence in us and although it was VERY shaky we quickly began going faster and it actually became easier.  After a bit we switched and I went to the back and Parker became our amazing driver!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I got to relax and through my arms up in the air.......... lets get the wind in the hair ......... well at least take the best we can get in this state with 
no beach!!!!! 
P.S. On Monday my roommates had to take the bikes back and they needed help.  Cait and I man handled one bike and we rocked!!!!!!! Two beginners ran all the red lights because stopping and starting is WAY to scary................ and then we rode amazingly ALL the way back to the outdoor store!!!! 

Sunday, May 15, 2011

Hello all friends, family, and on lookers.... I have been working on a book/ novel/ story thing and I have finally come to the point that I want others to read it and tell me their thoughts.  Like any sane person of course I would love nice words and love about my story, but I would appreciate criticism and any thoughts you may have!!!! Thank you.... Hope you enjoy... PEACE OUT

Chapter One
Flickering Light
            Marie sat holding the steering wheel.  How long she had been gripping it she had no way of telling.  It had to have been long because the sun was down and the sounds of crickets had started their loud humming.  Her hands hurt from being tied into tension around the ancient 1967 Volkswagen.  One of her head lights had died weeks earlier.  All this drama had started with that light burning out.  It truly had nothing to do with it, but that had been the pivotal moment when she realized she would have to choose. 
Three weeks had passed since the lights going out and yet she was still at a standstill.  Looking back on this moment she should have read the signs in those exact words she herself spoke, “When the lights had gone out.”  Three weeks earlier she flew home from visiting with a man that truly loved her.  Rick was a romantic and treated her like a princess.  His family was good and Rick was handsome.  This list could go on and on in her head. It actually had been replaying over and over for the past three weeks, and probably even longer. Was she convincing herself?
 Marie had reached down into her own worn down purse after getting into her Volkswagen that had been her constant companion for five years.  That night had not been an exception.   Instead of finding a wallet her hand first fell upon a manila envelope address to her.  She had not recognized the writing right off but slowly tarring at the tab she first saw three rose pedals, red ones. They lightly fell on to her lap and she remembered a feeling of gliding in the air, falling slowly down to a light landing. She often had these feelings, like she was flying.  Many times it was when she lay looking at the sky or when she was sleeping.  Truly flying though, any motion at all, other than walking had always made her extremely sick.  Sometimes even driving across town in the back seat of a car could cause her to be in bed for a day.  Why she felt a connection with flying she could not relate to any certain memory.  No matter not discovering the source she still was left connected to it somehow.
The velvet rose pedals were still soft and far from wilting.  There scent was strong and this had caused a small curve at the top of her lips that had slowly turned into a smile.  What a sweat detail to have noticed and placed in her purse.  He had known that her favorite flowers were roses.  Just a few days earlier Marie had insisted staying home and helping Rick’s father weed and plant new bulbs he just purchased.  It was one of Marie’s favorite things to do.  When she was in a garden she was at peace with the world.  Somehow tarring at the encroaching weeds on the beauty around them seemed to set things right.  When nothing else made since, this did.   Rick had wanted to take her to see the sights of the dry heat, but to him it was his home, beautiful South Utah.  Her strong will stood its ground when it came to things that she decided on.  There was no changing her mind. 
Now though, why couldn’t she just make a decision and then stick with it in the stubborn way she often did.  Her hands were showing the effect of her unmade decision as she still sat in the dark, hands back on the steering wheel.  Her mind floated back as she remembered their discussion.  They had talked of marriage it was true, but she had not realized anything had been decided.  He often said that he loved her and she did adore the way that he always took her face in his hands after saying those words and softly kissed her.  Sometimes he first kissed her on her upper cheek bone and worked his way down to her lips.  She loved kissing Rick.  It was freedom, no thinking, only following the motions that came.  This is what she was best at, following any lead that came her way.  It must have been why they were working as a couple.  In all of her past relationships she had been swept off her feet.  She was easy to fall into love; but was also easy falling out. It must have been a part of being young and naïve.  Was this the same?  Why must it always come to decisions?  Why couldn’t life just lead her to a happy ending? Was this the ticket life was trying to hand her?
She took one hand off of the steering wheel and rested them on the envelope she still carried.  Behind the three dried rose pedals was his letter.  Within the letter was the returning plane ticket back to Southern Utah.    Only a one way ticket lay in the folds of the letter.  This was much more permanent. Permanent tore at her, her heart was not a house wife.  No she had always bounced from one discovery to the next.  She wanted someone to stand at her shoulder and whisper the right answer.  A perfect being that knew which outcome would cause her happiness.   His family and others at church had told her that this is what was next in her life at the age of twenty one.  He wanted to marry her for all eternity, in his heart Rick thought she had already said yes.  Could she break his heart now?  Maybe marrying Rick was the right thing, which is what they all said.  She could grow to love him. 
Is that what marriage was, growing to love your partner?  Her mother and father probably started out with that idea.  She could never remember when they were together.  Divorcing when Marie was only two years old left her full of questions that she never admitted to herself she had.   They must have just given up in the trying process.  Many others had made it.  It was possible that they had started out with the same feelings she was tossing back and forth in her own heart. 
For the first time tonight Marie parted her lips and whispered, “Good bye Ms. Josen.  Hello, Mrs. Porter.”  It was not a light of peace that sprang through her with the movement of her own words.  It was a calm assurance that life would never change to the point of incomprehension.  The sparks of light that she had grown to love as a child flickered all around her.  Her lightning bugs of the south where giving her the light her own soul was not.   Their light made up for her light that had gone out three weeks ago.  

Friday, May 13, 2011

Weird Word Usage

Butt Dialing...need I say more

When the Heart is Happy


I never want this moment to end!!!


     Goblin Valley
May 6th and 7th 2011


This moment alone showed how epic this weekend would be!!! We pulled up to the gas station and an older couple pulled out hula hoops from their car and invited us to hula hoop with them... how much more random and exciting can you get than that?























This world is huge and gorgeous…and all should experience it camping and hiking!! There is nothing like eating scrambled pancakes over a camp stove, listening to crickets as you fall asleep, squatting in the outdoors and successfully burring your toilet paper for others not to stumble upon, and watching your step so you have to encounters with desert tarantulas.  This is my first time to camp and explore a desert.  I found it to be extremely beautiful in its own way.  The contrast of the red colors of the mountains and canyons with the occasional bright green blossoms on a lone tree made me sit in awe! It was a blast to run in and out of the canyon walls and climb and jump from awesomely weird rock formation to rock formation!!! It was a dance of excitement and as cool as the landscape was the friends that I got to have the adventure with created the perfect weekend!  Spencer and his easy going, accepting personality kept us all relaxed and happy; while Emi kept us laughing and entertained with her hilarious stories and conversation topics!  And Shawn kept us bound to the earth with his manly persona… his manly man and mixture of perfect gentlemanliness keeps all smiling and feeling confident. 

                                                Shawn        &       Emi            &        Amber
                                                                                                      Can you get much cooler than that?